A few days ago I was at the BMX track with a friend from high school. Reminiscing, having a good time with a bunch of people I hadn’t seen in years, minding my own- somewhat put together- business when I was viciously blindsided by a Old Schooler. He fully encapsulated the exact image of someone who was trying just extremely too hard. I identified the threat when I rode up the start hill, he was sporting a rather Jimmy barnzy youth haircut with a flannel, skinny jeans, and a carefully thought out mustache. It was as if he had taken a look at an old school BMX PLUS mag from 30 years ago and thought to himself, “this is who I was meant to be”. It may not be a very creative old school look, considering it has been adopted by J Beebaa, I feel as though it may be time for him to abandon this look. However, I have a very strong suspicion that he would posit that he was the first person in his high school to have a 1981 supergoose , he can only make that claim now that he’s no longer in high school, because clearly it’s untrue.

Anyway, this is all a digression, the attack occurred late into the ride, after he had already told an extremely unnecessarily old school story after we had known each other for 5 minutes- clearly to prove he’s old school… No comment necessary. Everyone was uncomfortable. While we were all there to ride the same track, it was abundantly clear he did not know anyone in the group he was attempting to speak to. I’m all for socializing with old school'rs at the track, but to open with a old school escapade just creates an awkward silence for the entire group.

Later in the arvo we were discussing hipsters and bashing them. The topic as fixies. The bikes with the no brakes, formerly for bike messengers, and more recently has become a staple for old school transportation. I don’t want to say that all people who ride fixies are old school'rs, however there is a VERY high correlation between fixies and douchebags who wear their keys on a carabiner attached to the belt loops of their black jeans. As we sit there bashing fixies and their riders my eyes fall to the side of his black skinny jeans where I realize his keys are unapologetically clipped to his belt loop. I met his eyes, and realized I was in trouble. He immediately launched into a tirade about the merits of fixies, and that he rode one and therefore  only old school'rs ride them. I asked if he identified as a old schooler, and while he shook his head, his (equally old school) friend nodded as he mouthed a “YES” and gave me a thumbs up. This only further angered the already enraged, pretentious old schooler, who singled me out (probably because he could feel my hatred toward his heinous mustache) and yelled “well where’s your t shirt from!”, all eyes who had focused on me already knew the answer… “USA SKYWAY.” This was the answer he was looking for, “HA. YOU’RE A old schooler!” Please let the record show that this was not a old schooler gathering, we were in the South East Area of Melbourne- notoriously terribly dressed area- the birthplace of my slobster style, and I was being accused of being a old schooler by someone whose face belonged in 1974. I was dressed in a summer dress and Dr Merkins boots with a skyway t shirt. While I knew this was merely an insulted trendy old schooler acting out, it was a shot right to the heart. This was the pot calling an uncoordinated kettle black. It only got worse, while no one was on his side- considering there were 4 other untrendy old school'rs in zip ups- my rep was ruined. So here I sit, writing this post dejected and full of self doubt.

His insults made me question my very self, if a old schooler calls you a old schooler, is it merely deflection or is it a call to unite, a bond he was trying to create with me. If a old schooler identifies you as old school, do you become one? Is old school contagious? It seems I have contracted O.L.D.
                                                           

Known for environmental activism, The Merkin8r is joining John McPhillien and other BMX clubs intent on reducing unwanted Yellow number pl8s by taking the bold step of banning their use unless requested by the rider.

In a 9-1 vote, the The Merkin8r's Board of Supervisors approved an ordinance late Tuesday that creates a one-year pilot program to limit yellow number pl8s only to riders who are at the track and physically accept them or who give prior approval by phone, mail or sticky note left on the handlebar

"The over-distribution of yellow number pl8s results in an unconscionable waste of natural resources, and costs the BMXA over one million dollars every year to process through our refuse system," Melanie Nutter, director of BMXA's Department of the Environment, said in a statement. She said the ordinance, proposed by the board's President The Merkin8r, will bring BMXA "one step closer to its goal of zero yellow number pl8s by 2015 ."

yellow number pl8s are wrong , just wrong , they make your bike look like a mook owns it , what was wrong with the white number pl8 !
                                                                                       

What was wrong with running any plate colour that you liked?

So you do not want to know,who a rider is, if they are male or female, Elite or Junior Elite.
I like to see how a female is going, when race males, and the same goes for when a challenge ride is racing a championship rider in the pro classes. It would be hard for the commentator. even staging would be a nightmare, let a loan graded practice.

+1 on tossing the yellow plate. (Unless you want one for your yellow bike )

Back when we would run any plate we wanted including mesh aero plates nobody had any problem with knowing who was on the track.

Bring back the creativity of manufacturers doing great looking plates to match our bikes.

Russ

The only two things wrong with Mt Gambier is that its track is too far from my house     and the commentry tower is behind the gate making it very difficult to call..

I like the idea of chosing whatever plate you like, personally when i watch a race i see a kids helmet, bike or jersey to know who's riding.. barely ever look at the plate

I would like you all to meet Miss Merkin8r (AKA : The Sheela)

                 Why Are People In bmx So Serious ?
                                 part 1 
   
A couple years ago, a girl I had a serious crush on in high school said to me, “You know, Merk, you really had the whole Old School thing figured out before it was a thing.” And I mean, self-aggrandizement aside, I really did. From when I was 16 until probably last year, I took myself and everything I was interested in incredibly seriously. I worked arduously to stay on top of the A Pro's and had perfectly formed gate starts ready at the drop of a hat , as to what was right or wrong. I knew exactly what the coolest music was, what the next cool brand or subgenre was going to be, and disowned brands as soon as people I thought weren’t cool heard of them. My life and my interests were really, really serious and it was seriously important to be serious about them. Seriously. I kept at this solidly through most of high school. People have read and responded to a variety of really non-seriously serious articles I have written at various times. It’s only recently that I’ve realized just how stupid that was, and how much I have been misunderstood over the years as a result. So this is my appeal to you, people of BMXA. Stop taking yourselves so seriously.